She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
birth control should be required to get into college
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
