if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
