I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
