took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
