Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
