I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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