hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
