Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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