she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
