the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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