I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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