walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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