Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
