The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
