I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
there's paper in my vomit.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
