Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he shaved USA in his pubs
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
