I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
