Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
