I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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