I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
