I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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