also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
