He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
