My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
