Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
