He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
