You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
