dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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