Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
