Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You smell like stripper and shame
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
