I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
