if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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