I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
