forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
