No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
