I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
