good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
birth control should be required to get into college
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
