Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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