Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
