It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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