Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
