I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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