Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
