Kiss
Puke
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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