thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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