She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
