She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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