Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
