I must be too annoying 4 u.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
