hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
