i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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