Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
